Accepting Me

When someone points out that one is different, our defenses emerge and we begin to question our very being.   We wrestle over the concept that we are unlike our Neurpotypical counterparts, desperately desiring to belong within their world. Here is an enlightening blurb from one of my students on being individualistic and embracing oneself:   

"When I was in second grade, I found out that I have Asperger's Syndrome, a type of Autism.  My little brother has Autism, too.   Being Autistic makes me different and unique.   When I was little, I used to throw tantrums.   Sometimes I laugh out loud at things that other people might not find funny.  I find that I get addicted to things quite easily, such as video games, TV shows, music, and food.  At first when I was diagnosed, I thought people would make fun of me and that I would never make friends.  Now, I have made lots of friends and I have learned to deal with my Autism.   I have learned it's okay to be different." - Social Skills Student

Unlike the student who wrote the blurb above, I didn't acquire my diagnosis of PDD-NOS (a form of Autism) until I was an adult.  However, I always knew I was atypical…off….strange…peculiar….weird.

For much of my youth, teenage life, and some early parts of my college experience, I tried to be like everyone else around me.  I tried to incorporate myself into a world that was incompatible with me.   It was like putting on shoes that were too big and yearning for my feet to conform.   I tried to fit in with the popular kids by pursuing the activities that they engaged in, even though the passion wasn't present.  I would place myself in circumstances where I would be in close proximity to them with the expectations they would see me, not just through me or around me, but see the real me.  I hungered for acceptance and relationship.   Nevertheless, I hadn't accepted myself.  And if I hadn't  how could I presume anyone else could?   The results of my exhausting attempts to be like others only caused distress, isolation, and heartache.  I continued to stand out as a blundering outcast. 

I suppose I had my epiphany when I began working with others who had unique needs and differences.  At that point in my life finally ALLOWED myself to be an individual.  I allowed myself to be weird and awkward and different, and it wasn't just okay or acceptable, but it was awesome and amazing and incredible.  I realized I had FIT IN all along.   I had friends who not only ACCEPTED me despite my differences, but EMBRACED me because of them.   I had finally found peace within myself.  I was a young adult, and for the first time in my life I knew who I was.  I no longer exerted myself to fit in or be like everyone else.  I began to appreciate myself for me, and it no longer mattered what others thought of me.  What mattered was how I felt about MYSELF. 

Kids, remember that last part.   Its how YOU feel about yourself that makes you who you are, not what someone else thinks.