If Things Were Different

Imagine your life without Autism (I know, imagining things that aren’t true are really difficult for us folks on the Spectrum, but give it a try).  Explain how life for you would be different. 

This is a prompt I gave my students a few weeks back to get them to think about who they were as their character related to Autism.   So, as with anything, I will never ask my students to answer any question which I am not willing to answer myself!

Autism doesn’t make me who I am.   Yet the experiences I have had coping with Autism have woven the very fabric from which I am tailored.   Despite my struggles, I wouldn’t trade my being Autistic for the world.  I am blessed, and I am proud of who and what I am.  I am not disappointed that I am not certain things.  

Failures have more power to teach us about ourselves than do successes.   The pitfalls and misadventures of my life have coached me, and I have learned from each of them.   Every day we make the choice whether to be defined by our challenges or to grow from them.   It wasn’t until I embraced my individuality and uniqueness that I was able to truly become myself.  

Growing up, if I had known that everything I was going through, socially and emotionally, as a person on the Autism Spectrum, would lead me to be the person I am today, I would not have taken the risks that I took.  I wouldn’t have attempted all of the social interactions that most often resulted in failure.  I wouldn’t have LEARNED from those failures, and in return, I never would have become ME.  

And every day as I struggle and fail and (occasionally) succeed, I am still BECOMING ME.   I am a process, a journey.  It may be tough and unfair at times, but it is MY journey. 

So those failed attempts at social interactions, the ones you walk away from feeling embarrassed, ashamed, empty, weird, strange, hurt, awkward…don’t let them define you.  Analyze the situations, and use your experiences as a tool for growth.   Be careful not to OVERANALYZE.  But look at the closely and gather from them what you could do differently in the future.  Create the picture in your mind, but make it as broad as possible.  Chances are you won’t find yourself in the EXACT same scenario again, but if you are able to generalize what you have learned from one situation you can apply your newfound skills to another. 

Sure, maybe things would be different.  Maybe I would have been better at expressing my thoughts and ideas, have had fewer meltdown moments, and been able to relate to others.  But one thing is for certain…if I were Neurotypical I would not be ME.