Meltdowns

The Autistic Meltdown.    Often regarded as a tantrum by the Neurotypical, meltdowns are distinctive events.  Granted, Autistics do have tantrums, just like any Neurotypical person, be it child or adult.  Meltdowns are easily misconstrued as tantrums by those who do not comprehend the way the Autistic perceives his or her world.  But meltdowns and tantrums couldn’t be more unparalleled. 

The observed behaviors of tantrums and meltdowns may superficially create the appearance they are identical.  For example, crying, screaming, holding one’s breath, cussing, and yelling may accompany both.  The primary variation between tantrums and meltdowns are evident in the functions that drive them.  

Tantrums are a power play, intended to manipulate so as to achieve a desired goal or outcome, i.e. obtaining an object.  During a tantrum, the person will often look towards the person they perceive to be able to give them what they demand.   The person having a tantrum will typically avoid hurting themselves or others.   Although upset, they remain in emotional and physical command over their actions.

Meltdowns, however, are driven by their own power.  They occur when a person is overwhelmed, receives too much input, experiences sensory overload, is unable to communicate wants or needs, experiences unexpected or undesirable change, or experiences other triggers that may not seem obvious to the Neurotypical.  

During a meltdown, the Autistic is disconnected and unplugged.  Unlike a person having a tantrum, they are not seeking attention or approval.   There is often no fear of hurting themselves or others, and they have little to no emotional control and often may lose physical control.   During the moment, the Autistic experiencing a meltdown is not cognizant of their actions or the consequences that accompany them.    

While a child having a tantrum can be satisfied by achieving the desired object or result, the child weathering a meltdown cannot.   He or she is incapable of being satiated by the outside world. In some instances, a meltdown may originate as a tantrum and escalate to a level to where it cannot be stopped, even when the triggering agent is resolved.    

While tantrums are usually (but not always) limited to children, the issue of meltdowns is a recurring one for those with Autism.  As an adult on the Spectrum, I still endure meltdowns.  I have learned to handle my meltdowns in a more preferred and appropriate way now than when I was a child.  As a child, I was unable to recognize that I was experiencing a meltdown, much less recognize the triggers and the beginnings of one.   I would scream, cuss, cry, bite myself, hit myself, and hold my breath while screaming at the same time, blacking my eyes.   It didn’t matter where I was or who was around.  I had no control over what was experiencing.    

I am now mostly able to circumvent things that trigger my meltdowns.  For example, if I am going to unavoidably be in a crowded place with a myriad of emotional and sensory stimulation (noise, lights, people, etc), I will wear headphones that block out noise and provide deep pressure, a known calming agent for me.   I have friends and family that help prepare me for new and unique situations by advising me what I can anticipate.  If I am going to a new place, I will find out as much as I possibly can about it before arriving so that I am not startled by something overly new.   And on days where I feel “off” or “weird”, I will take as many preventable measures as I possibly can to avoid going into “Chernobyl” mode. 

Despite my best efforts to prevent them, meltdowns still arise for me.  I have had meltdowns in public places, at work, and at home, all as an adult.   I do not dwell on them, because I know they are a part of being Autistic and not a choice that I have made.  Afterwards, I am able to reflect on the meltdown, learn from it, and apologize to anyone whom I unintentionally offended.   While embarrassing, I have come to accept that meltdowns are a part of my life.  They may not be the best part, but I have learned to take the downs with the ups, and I am thankful that the ups happen far more often than the downs. 

Take a moment to read the following experience from a student:

"When I was a high school freshman, I sneaked my Nintendo DS to school a lot.  I wasn't allowed to bring it, but I wanted to have it because I was obsessed with playing it and listening to the music on it.  A teacher caught me with it and asked me to give it to her.  Fearing how much trouble I was going to get into for being caught with it, I had a huge meltdown.   I am pretty sure everyone in the freshman building heard it.  It had to have sounded like I was experiencing the most terrible loss imaginable.  I was screaming very loudly.   I was so afraid and upset that I did not realize how embarrassing the situation would be to me later.   Afterwards I was exhausted, and I felt a mixture of embarrassment, anger, and sadness.  I did get in trouble for having my DS at school and I ended up being grounded from video games for a week.  Luckily I have very understanding teachers and parents who were not upset with me for having a meltdown.  I know some kids aren't as lucky as me in that sense." -Social Skills Student

The student’s meltdown was not about not getting to play his videogame.  It was not about trying to get out of trouble.   The student was overcome with a flood of emotions that could not be thwarted.    It was about the fear and anxiety that accompanied getting caught, it was about the guilt of knowing better but being unable to fight his compulsions, and it was about the embarrassment and anger and sadness quoted above.  

To the student who shared this: Thank you for sharing such a personal event.  I am hopeful it will help others comprehend the Autistic meltdown and result in more understanding for the Autistic community.  Rock on!  

To those who read this: I hope you have gained a new perspective on meltdowns and tantrums, their purposes and meanings, and that maybe someday you will be able to use this information to help others gain understanding of the world of the Autistic.   Maybe you will even stand up for someone with Autism experiencing a meltdown, or react differently than you would have had you read this post.   I hope you will educate others on the differences between tantrums and meltdowns.