When Plans Change

We folks on the spectrum don’t always adjust well to changes in plans, especially when they are sudden.   When we make plans, expectations are seeded in our minds.  Sometimes we fixate on our plans for hours, days, weeks, or even months.  These can be exciting things we look forward to (such as a birthday party or time to be spent with friends), things that are components of our daily ritual (such as eating dinner at a certain time in the evening), or even sometimes, things we dread (the DENTIST!). 

When we make plans and they change, there is an entire process for redefining our expectations.  For most Neurotypical folks, this means just moving on and going with the flow.  However, for us on the Spectrum, it can take more of an effort.   When a modification is made to our plans (especially when the circumstances are not within our power), it can take quite the adjustment for things to feel they are right in our world again. 

As a supporter, friend, or parent of someone with Autism, it is important to communicate the change in plans as soon as possible.  In addition, it’s always a good idea to make sure that when plans are made there is a bit of flexibility built in.  For example, if there is a birthday party at the park this weekend and it might rain, you might have plans to go to a movie instead.    If the plan is to wear jeans to school tomorrow but the laundry hasn’t been done in ages, it’s important to set out a different set of clothing the night before instead of becoming upset the morning of.   Have a go-to plan for those occasions in which dinner plans change last minute because of unforeseen circumstances.   Although it may seem a little over-the-top sometimes, planning ahead can save a total Chernobyl-like meltdown from occurring over a small hiccup in the plans.

As a person on the Spectrum, it is important to understand that inevitably plans will change.   Circumstances will arise that we cannot control.  We cannot control the weather, friends being ill, traffic situations, meetings running over, appointments running late, or the fact that the grocery store was out of our favorite ice cream topping.  It is important that we take a step back, look at the perspective of the other parties involved, and replace our original plan with one that is acceptable (although I realize from experience that “acceptable” doesn’t always mean “optimal”).   It is equally important to not take the change personally.  There have been many times in which I had my feelings hurt by things that were out of the control of anyone, such as the weather changing unexpectedly. 

The message here for both Neurotypicals and those on the Spectrum is to stay flexible!  Try to not over-fixate on one plan or another, and stretch those adaptability skills daily!  You’ll be glad you did!